north american world tour (cont'd)

shitty love

2011-06-21T22:43:00.000-05:00

i had always felt that at a certain point in my life everything would make sense. everything would align. everything would be right in the world. it's gradual but i'm beginning to fear that that will never happen. i can begin working out again, kicking my ass every week, drinking half gallons of whole milk every day, looking in the mirror and yes, seeing the results, but by then i'll probably lose my hair or lose a parent or fall to my knees in agony for something else.

this is a terrible love letter, but if i fall apart i'll fall apart loving you.

there's nothing more beautiful than the open road.

2010-09-28T01:37:00.002-05:00

I thought I knew my life.

I thought I knew my future.

It was laid out

like the open road.

love life

2010-07-12T01:07:00.002-05:00

I'm having a blast. Travel west 'til west runs out. America will never end.

like an arrow

2010-06-19T02:28:00.001-05:00

milwaukee
chicago
atlanta
wilderness
san fran
portland
seattle
denver
kansas city
chicago
milwaukee
chicago
atlanta
chicago
atlanta
wilderness
san diego
phoenix
santa fe
atlanta
albuquerque
san diego
prague?
los angeles?
another wilderness?

friends, faith, lost, found
ankle bones click
thoughts severed
inhale
find calm
find hope
find direction
find anything
find knee bent mercy
and kicked dirt dust
and ringing ear silence
and face down sympathy
and torn pulled pain
or a shout shriek shivered
unheard, unnoticed or unloved
and try to breathe again.

cross this country - cross this off

2010-03-21T11:30:00.001-05:00

somewhere southwest.

the end of tour

2010-03-05T13:35:00.003-06:00

The motto for 2008 was "Get Lost" which I did very well. I sold everything I had, lost the rest in California and came home broken and tired. 2010 has started with "Get Found" and it's going better than expected. I'm a business man now which means I get excited about things like this...

(it's a business card holder - if you can't tell.)

months missed

2009-12-05T02:39:00.001-06:00

and looking back i'll never know who held the camera that day. i crumbled like stone.

Here we are-

2009-09-23T22:23:00.002-05:00

Poetry in the digital age, I suppose, hardly seems worth reading.

If I could only go back, not to that place, but to that time. I read Dylan Thomas and listen to Van Morrison growl and think about an empty place in time, where I may find myself only half as lost.

wasted wasted youth

2009-07-25T00:31:00.002-05:00

I've got big plans for August.

was i meant to live this way?

2009-07-22T02:14:00.003-05:00

When I started out, this was something I was going to do. I never thought this was how I need to live. It was never supposed to continue the way it has.

The top of a waterfall

2009-06-28T11:29:00.004-05:00

looks like a river.

bridalveil fall

2009-05-15T15:48:00.004-05:00

I'm actually not even sure. There's a very strong possibility these are pictures of Yosemite Falls. I think I was too busy getting sprayed with water to take pictures of Bridalveil. whoops.

and others that fell thru the cracks

2009-05-05T00:29:00.008-05:00

there's a story behind that last one.

i'll tell ya later...

smiles

staring off into the sound

2009-04-22T16:53:00.003-05:00

I took these while standing on top of my van after it broke down at the beach. There certainly are worse places to break down. I had gone to the same beach on Monday, but when I got there on Friday it felt completely different. I was alone this time, but surrounded. When I had gone that Monday the beach was deserted leaving my friend and I together and alone simultaneously. Now everyone was around and I was by myself. I didn't even want to be there anymore, but I couldn't leave. I sat and read, was briefly interrupted by the man whose BMW I had parked behind. (I say parked, but it was really the first place I was able to coast to after my engine died.) I think back with a smile on my face remembering Seattle.

"Are you reading a book on how to live?"

"Oh, it's poetry."

"Ah. Hm. I see. You should be reading down there by the beach where all the pretty girls are."

And so on, back and forth. We shook hands without exchanging names.

I found a garage that wouldn't be open until the next Monday, sat back and stayed there all weekend.

I can show you Deception Pass

2009-04-19T19:12:00.004-05:00

but I can't make you feel.

the first time i crossed the country and fell in love

2009-03-15T17:05:00.005-05:00

years ago and i know most of these i didn't take.

there's nothing more beautiful then the open road spread out before you.

reflect

2009-01-08T01:33:00.002-06:00

I knew a long time ago that 2008 was going to be the greatest year of my life. It was two thousand great and now its two thousand fine. The greatest and most expensive year of my life is over. Still homeless. Still lost. Always in love. I've learned a lot this year. I've learned a lot about myself. Most recently it's that stimulating conversation can keep me up all night just as good as any drug.

Top 10 Albums of 2008

2008-12-17T13:19:00.004-06:00

The first five I knew I loved and spent the majority of my time listening to. The rest I had to go through my iPod and then check to make sure they came out this year. There's also the list of albums I didn't get around to listening to until recently and I'm sorry I hadn't heard them sooner.

1. Mount Eerie - Lost Wisdom
2. Mount Eerie - Black Wooden Ceiling Opening
3. Why? - Alopecia
4. Anathallo - Canopy Glow
5. Yeasayer - All Hour Cymbals
6. Black Angels - Directions to See a Ghost
7. Black Francis - Svn Fngrs
8. One Day as a Lion - S/T EP
9. Ratatat - LP3
10. and i dont know...did Bruce Springsteen put out a new album this year?

and here are the other albums that I listened to almost non-stop this year, but most have been out for a while.

1. Glen Hansard/Swell Season/The Frames/Once Soundtrack
2. Eddie Vedder - Into the Wild OST
3. Every Pearl Jam album
4. Jimi Hendrix bootlegs
5. Smog
6. Tom Petty on every jukebox in Seattle

the most beautiful rainbow i ever saw came off the tires of a minivan on a rainy day in washington state

2008-10-27T16:19:00.003-05:00

my best friend died

2008-06-30T08:02:00.004-05:00

Saturday night I walked around for an hour repeating my best friend died this morning. Every time I would either laugh, or I'd feel my eyes burn from behind, or my hands would become fists, and i still don't believe it. It's going to take a long time.

This man was my hero. A shining example of how to live your life. I knew him well, but could have known him better. He still always had my back and anytime I asked him for help, for a favor, it was never a question. It was never a problem. It kills me that this happened so suddenly. You immediately think of everything you never said.

I think in the end he just lived too much. He already lived a lifetime and I'd like to think God looked down and said, "Hey, you're having too much fun."

I will remember you forever. We will never let you die.

kchaywood.com

one hand

2008-05-25T13:30:00.004-05:00

The bands that give me any sort of hope for the future of music can be counted on one hand.

Call Me Lightning
Why?
Anathallo
Mount Eerie/The Microphones
Sleepy Eyes of Death

These are the bands that are currently active and proving that music is an art form and doesn't simply have to be entertainment. These are the bands pushing things forward and trying new things instead of rehashing what has already been done. Sure, there have been bands that have shown this before, but the Beatles broke up a long time ago.

For over seven years now Anathallo have proven to be the most unique, most ambitious, most creative band playing today. Even beyond the music, they have shown creativity in their CD packaging, the instruments they choose, and how they run their band. Anathallo is one of the smartest bands in America. Listen to them if you haven't heard them and if they come to your town let them sleep on your floor because they are also seven of the kindest, most caring people. I'm honored that I can call them friends.

gosh, seattle is just the greatest

2008-04-25T15:33:00.000-05:00

but why do all my favorite cities have the worst climates?

from horizon to heavens

2008-04-19T19:06:00.002-05:00

the clouds in seattle are amazing. that is, when they're not black and raining on me.

it's like a jungle sometimes

2008-03-01T14:47:00.000-06:00

I've been away from my computer for a while and have been busy living life. A lot of shits gone down, but I dont want to talk about it here. If you want to know what's up you'll have to call me.

My journals are filling up, but I'm taking less pictures. Pictures of the city just aren't as good.

Forward.

happy valentines day

2008-02-15T02:55:00.002-06:00

yes i am drunk. yes i took a lot of pictures of cans. my best friends friend and I went to this super awesome creek and took a bunch of pictures. The whole time I was thinking about how alone we were, surrounded by nature, but then I'd come across an empty beer can and realize that I wasn't the first one to walk here. I'll never be the first to walk anywhere. There will always be an empty beer can waiting for me whereever I go.

this could never be us

2008-01-28T20:15:00.002-06:00

HWY 1

2008-01-26T13:09:00.001-06:00

Hwy 1 is the greatest highway in America. It goes along the coast and I took it from Point Reyes to San Francisco and then from San Francisco to Big Sur. I tried taking pictures but it's hard to capture. You'll just have to see for yourself. But in the meantime look at these!

from shore to national seashore

2008-01-25T18:20:00.000-06:00

These are from Point Reyes National Seashore. Steve and I got there just in time to watch the sunset, but when we walked down to the beach it was hiding behind a mountain. yeah. it was romantic. Then we spent some time at the only bar/restaurant in town, split some chicken wings and then went back to the park where we popped the top and pretty much called it a night. I took the top part which was surprisingly comfortable and wasn't nearly as cold as I thought it would be. At 730am the next morning a park ranger woke us up and informed us we weren't allowed to camp out there. He was nice enough not to give us a ticket, but couldn't he have let us sleep a little longer?

a list of the best feelings in the world

2008-01-25T12:09:00.000-06:00

I've left out the obvious ones.

1.

2.

3. Singing along to your favorite song when it comes on the radio. (ain't no sunshine, most bob dylan songs, etc.)

4. When a band plays a set that's the perfect length (not too short - not too long)

5. When you finally figure out what song is stuck in your head.

6.

7. The Giants missing the game winning field goal that sent the NFC
Championship game into overtime against the Packers. (only to be
followed by the worst feeling in the world when the Packers lost.)

8. Being just drunk enough.

9. Playing guitar.

10. Being onstage. Playing guitar for an audience. Bigger audience = bigger rush = better feeling.

11. Hanging out with a girl before you've kissed when it's obvious you will.

12. Being so in love your chest feels full.

Q: how many pictures can you take of the same sunset?

2008-01-24T18:43:00.002-06:00

the rest from the drive

2008-01-22T16:13:00.001-06:00

these start right when I entered California.

the best from the drive

2008-01-16T12:09:00.002-06:00

95% of these were taken out the window while I was driving. They're in chronological order starting in Texas because that's when the scenery worth taking pictures of started.

i hate blogs

2008-01-08T00:24:00.000-06:00

so I sold just about everything I own, bought a van, and now I'm going to drive across the country. I'll try and keep up and blog about all the trouble I get into, but I don't know how often I'll actually do that. There are only a few people that I think will actually read this and maybe possibly actually care about what I have to say. I'll do my best to keep it interesting with pictures and videos and audioblogs or whatever. One thing I won't do is have good grammer. I'm sorry.

I'm still in Atlanta as I type this. The trip has been delayed for numerous reasons which I'll probably get to in future blogs. Or maybe I won't even bother because none of it is that interesting.

I'm trying not to have too high of hopes for this trip. I don't want to be disappointed. It's weird. For the first time in a long time I have no idea what the future holds. I've completely stopped planning. For so long I've been planning things out and then *ahem* shit gets fucked up. With this trip I'm just going to take it as it comes. Lets see what happens.